Sunday Morning Confessional
This is a different post for me but one I felt needs to be written. This blog I have created is where I share freely and hope to post some things people may connect with or even learn from.
Backstory:
Last week my integrity and sincerity were called into question and to say it shook me to my core is an understatement. The particulars of the questioning are not as important as how I handled the situation. When the situation was brought to light I immediately reacted with hurt and yes, a bit of anger. More hurt because the person doing the questioning was a friend. I wanted to run away, pull the plug on this blog and distance myself from negative people. After a lengthy discussion with people close to me it hit me square in the forehead. I was giving up something I enjoy based on unfounded truths and in effect giving my power to them.
Now the old me would have wallowed in self-pity, cursed a bit and simply said, “Oh, well that’s the end of that”. The Now me says, “No, I am truth and I am here”. Many negative things are ego driven and I for one have separated myself from the Ego many years ago. It’s a selfish, non-fulfilling trait to possess.
Eckert Tolle says it best,
“What you react to in others, you strengthen in yourself.”
So the point of this post is twofold.
One, if you are ever confronted with negativity whether it be social, work, familial etc. closely examine your role in the situation. If you know your intent and truth are solid, dust your hands off and walk away. Second, through this amazing websphere my world has been expanded and beautified by people that grace the doorstep here at FPP and each person matters to me. I want to continue to share and evolve.
Footnote: I need to add here (as this is very important), my friend and I have discussed this at length and I see now he was hurt as well by this situation. Communication at the onset is important and by doing that, we have cleared up any misunderstanding and remain friends.
In the words from a Mumford & Sons song “Below my feet” (Yes, you know I am a rabid fan of them),
“Use my eyes to serve, my hands to learn”
And on that note I say, have a great day….
Loved every bit of it!
KatrinaLabra (This is clickable)
Thank you kindly!
I can relate to this post big time. I have a tendency to want to pull the plug when things get uncomfortable. Sounds like you were being vulnerable and got blind-sided by someone you trust. That’s such a kick in the gut feeling. I believe, as you do Lynne, that examining your own intentions as well as the other person’s is the best way to see and feel things accurately. If your intention is pure, and I know yours is, because that’s who you are, then you’re good to go. Don’t give your power away. You’ve got friends here who love you and know your goodness. Lisa xox
Lisa..blindsided , from left field, all of that. I am far from perfect, have many flaws but honesty is not one of them. To the doubters and nay-sayers, I challenge them to look within like I had to do. It’s people like you and many, many others that enrich my world each day
Thank you!!
I dig the Tolle quote and your post is “spot on” especially the last paragraph. I believe in being true and being real.
I wish you a beautiful day as well!
Audra
I lived a life of lies & deceit (to myself) before and it’s not a good place.. truth or nothing..
Mr. Tolle rocks!!!
(who hasn’t Lynne?)
This is so powerful Lynne. I spent the majority of my life as a runner, because I thought it was easier. I guess it is to the other person, but I didn’t have to look at them in the mirror every day. I still get the urge to run or shut down, old habits are hard to kick and every day can be a challenge. Thanks for this wonderful reminder that we are not alone in our struggles and that the truth will always be the winner.
Oh boy I have run so many miles in my life but trying real hard not top do that any more. By stopping and really examining things we see either our faults or our truth. This is a reminder for us all to put on the brakes.
Um. Are you talking about an internet dispute? We all have them all the time. Whether Facebook, forums, or wherever.
Or maybe most people don’t have them, but I do! I’m not very good at letting something go past that I think needs to be disagreed with (Planned Parenthood opposition being the classic). How to lose FB ‘friends’ over contraception.
But if you are talking about someone you know in person, then it is slightly different I think.
Either way, no need to even consider pulling the plug on your blog when so many people enjoy reading it.
Can’t say much more because you chose not to go into detail and that’s your decision.
I don’t like being accused of dishonesty either. My blogs are totally up front which is why I don’t take kindly to being accused of anything, so whether your issue was virtual or real I do empathise and sympathise with you.
While this is my first “internet” dispute, it is just as important as a one I would have in the “real world”. I am happy to say that I stood up for myself & and through that the other party & myself reached a peaceful resolution. I am aware that many times it’s best to keep on down the road. Toxic people or situations have no place in my life..So i guess that means now I have to think of something to blog about this week
So it was the net. I wouldn’t have thought you would have attracted tintie disputes to be honest as you write differently to me.
Yes, it’s important, up to a point.
I found facebook and forums were far more aggressive compared with blogs. I’ve only had a few unpleasant/unwarranted comments through blogging. I didn’t publish the abuse, and I was a bit surprised to be accused of trolling, but there you go.
Regarding emails, I think it is a whole different game. Emails involve a lot more personal involvement. I’ve fallen out with someone more than once, and it looks like we have fallen out for good now, about which I am genuinely sorry.
But as I said, in one of my attempted poems, each time there is a problem, it creates a chink in the relationship that becomes harder and harder to recover. I hope you and your friend remain friends.
Lynne, I’ve been wondering where you were. When I received notifications you’d posted, I try to go to your blog and it would give me the “oops” thing, but I’m glad you’re back. I do commend and admire you for writing this and agree with you. I wrote a post kind of similar to this about standing up for what you believe and that sometimes means walking away but staying true to yourself. I’m glad you didn’t stop blogging but I so enjoy your posts, your integrity, honesty and goodness. Keep sharing and evolving — that’s what we’re all doing!
Thanks Brigitte.. this situation is one many find ourselves in and many choice anger and such. I did not.
I would miss you all so blog I will do
Very glad you’re not going anywhere as I will be able to continue reading your thoughtful posts. (Since it’s all about me… jk) Thanks for this.
Thank you so kindly and I will continue to read you as well and a-blogging we will go, let the doubters step aside!!
Thanks for sharing this experience.
The experience is not as important as how it was handled, without malice or negativity.
Lynne, as always a wonderful post, I love your blog! I can relate very well to this one, and I am glad you took up the subject as I’ve had, and still have the problem you’re taking about. Thank you from Sweden,
.
Many times we tend to let others opinions direct our course and I have fallen prey to that many times. No more. I hope you are not experiencing this too, if so head up and onward my friend
Even an expert like myself sometimes fall on the head, and I should know better,
.
Yet we keep on getting up and practicing
It’s certainly a risk sharing things on the interent. Especially things we feel passionate about. We leave ourselves exposed. I’m glad you’ve decided to keep chugging along, Lynne!
yes we do run the risk but I still believe the rewards far outweigh them. Besides, I have to keep up with your amazing art work
*chug-a-chug-chug*
With great respect, I doubt very much that you’ve separated yourself from Ego – it’s a natural part of human life. You might have trained it to play nice when necessary, as we all do to some extent, but it’s still there with its embarrassing imperatives. Like a dog that will hump your guests’ legs unless you command if not to.
With all due respect to your comment, I have worked very hard for years to separate my conscious self from the Ego. Ego is not only about vanity, it is the image I have of myself based on other’s actions/observations. Honestly, I have only to accept myself, my truth and it’s a very freeing way to live.
As for the humping dog (lol) yes, I am a work in progress for sure
My ego is playing nice and agreeing to disagree.
If I may suggest you read “A New Earth” sometime, I think my intent here will be clearer.
That book was like a lightbulb for me..
I googled A New Earth, read the Wikipedia article. Silence is golden.
We all have free will and with that comes the choices on how we choose to live. That is golden and differences need not divide us all the time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts today!!
Well written Lynne. I am sorry to hear the circumstances, but I am glad you stood your ground and even more glad that you didn’t back off or run away. I have a history of running away from conflict and of suffering extreme and highly emotional thinking. I am learning now to just be still and share the same space with discomfort and even with conflict. I don’t have to run and I don’t have to make rash decisions. I know nothing is permanent, especially not these rash emotional thoughts. We are all just works in progress at different points in our collective journeys.
I too have a fond appreciation for Tolle and Mumford and Sons. And I have a fond and growing appreciation for you too. I’m so happy our paths crossed.
I can say here I too have a history of running away, declaring myself the loser even if that was not the intent of the situation. The past few years I have worked hard to rebuild my thought processes and yes, I get side tracked at times so I really look at the big picture now.
I love your comment and so glad our paths have crossed here @ WP. and anyone that likes Mumford & Sons is A-ok in my book
How does that one song go…?
“And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance
But you are not alone in this…”
Ah, this (possibly) explains what happened to the last post. I’m glad the issue was resolved in a way you can feel good about. It would have been very sad if you had left! Keep doing what you do and just be you.
Ah the last post was a so-so post so I removed it..lol.. Thank you Lily, you are always a bright spot here on Word Press
Well done getting over that – I can totally sympathize with the knee-jerk reaction to pull the plug, and it’s not that easy to consciously change the way you’re going to react. I don’t know you personally, but I love your blog and I think it would have been a great loss if you stopped writing. Go you!!
Yes, knee-jerk reactions are old habits for me and I work hard to not give in to them. Thanks so much for the kind words and support of this Wee Blog!
i’m so glad that you found your way through the gray areas and found your way back into the sunlight! by your example, others will learn! z
Ah, the dark is a mean place and yes, I am glad through discussions and thought I did not over react and now both sides are okay. Thanks for a great comment!
Clearing the air is so important, and sometimes on retrospect we wonder how things got out of synch. I’m glad they’re all better now! z
Good for you. Another blog I follow shut down for a month after a piece of negative feedback. It was sad. But she has brushed herself off now. What I don’t understand is why anyone would bother to say something negative? What’s the point? I think it’s just prideful. Keep on keeping on.
It was not a comment on my blog, I was accosted saying I gave a “back-handed compliment” on a friends blog. Nothing was further from the truth. If I don’t have something good to say, I stay quiet.
Plus I would miss out on all of my followers great posts such as yours
I was sued last year, my family and I dragged through small claims court, put on trail, our very characters questioned. I dropped five pounds, had anxiety attacks, experienced a day taken straight from hell… and survived. I’ve learned I’m stronger, far stronger, than I ever thought i was. I’m so glad you found some resolve and that you didn’t walk away. Your thougths matter, they count, whether negative or not. What we say can be construed either way, as mine were last year. Sometimes, it’s their problem, not yours.
Thank you so much for your comment, it means the world to me. I have a history of allowing other’s opiions to sway me but no more. i have been growing a backbone the past few years and you are absolutely correct. Many times the other guys read into things. In all fairness myself & the other pearty did communicate about this and have resolved the matter
I’m so sorry you had to experience such an ordeal , all out in public. I can only imagine the stress. Here you are standing all tall and that is a grand thing!!
I advocate for shelter animals. I cannot tell you how many times, I have been down on myself due to people “who think” differently about animal rescue than I do.
One of the inherent natural tendencies of human beings is to try and control another. We see it in economics, politics, family relationships, patriarchal societies. How many times have women heard this remark: “What kind of mother are you?”
Another tendency human beings have is to throw one another under the bus. We see this all over the web, at work, in our daily lives. We all want to “look good.” I applaud your rigorous self honesty. Character matters, and YOU HAVE IT LADY!
Livvy, you make such valid points..Too many times people interfere and relay information that is incorrect or sit in judgement of others and I never understood why they feel compelled to do that. Either way, I defended my truth and will always continue to do so. throwing people under the bus makes the tosser look very small in my eyes.
thanks so much for your support
When you’re a peaceable person conflict is so alien, unless you go looking for it for some reason, which I very much doubt you did. I’ve not hacked off many people in webspace or email world but when it does happen I’ve learned to leave it a few days before I say/do anything. It’s taken me many years to learn that. It often looks different from a distance, and you’ll also be clearer about whether you care. I too am glad you didn’t pull the plug here. The more women we have standing up for themselves the better.
Great comment and so true. while I did discuss the issue at hand with the other party immediately I then fell into that “self-doubt” mode. I did allow myself to really delve deeper over a few days (we all should do that) and came to the conclusion I can not allow people that doubt my word (that is their problem not mine) to control my actions. So that being said, you’ll have to put up with me
Gladly.
It would truly be sad if you backed away from your blog, Lynne… you have so much to say that is valuable to hear. I’ve done my share of running, but not for a long time. At some point I learned to live with who I am, and want to be. And maybe that is what you mean with being less ego driven.
Curt.. I used to run at the littlest sign of discord..had to beat back that old mindset and stand true to myself. Thanks so much and glad you enjoy my wee blog..I certainly enjoy yours, hell, I travel the USA through yours
Though I only know you from the blogosphere, I’d be pretty surprised to find you were doing things that impugned your integrity, Lynne.
Keep on rockin, and keep on staying true to yourself!
Thanks so much EG. I am the same behind this computer screen as I am in real life. people that know me (in person) can attest to that.. No fakery here
I’m still rocking and thanks!!1
I’m glad you’re sticking with it. You’ve enriched my life greatly in just the little bit of time I’ve been reading. And I’m glad you worked it out with your friend.
Mary..that is one of the nicest things I’ve read in some time.. thank you so much!!!