Comic relief holiday style (or something along those lines)
So most of you are aware this blogger will be home alone (no cool happenings like the movie thank you) on Christmas. I’m not allowing the Santa-don’t-love-you-anymore mentality to take root, hell, I force myself to sing at least one Carol a day. Sort of like a holiday brainwashing technique.
I will admit to skipping over the Twelve Days of Christmas song because the “..my true love gave to me..” part always causes a meltdown requiring me to pull off the road and redo my mascara. The Little Drummer Boy also is not part of my caroling routine as it is flat out boring. I have been amusing myself in other ways as well.
I have managed to toss up a few bits of Holiday cheer at the homestead. (Brace yourself for magical splendor of the holidays, FPP style)
Yes folks, that’s it as far as indoor lights go.
My tree..It’s so scrawny this is all I should show
Still doing stockings for the grown children ( I know, I’m pathetic)
Laughing at the gifts other’s receive while they are all giggly and full of mirth.
Allow me to share a few:
“Me and my boyfriend have been dating 7 months and he bragged for MONTHS about how he was getting me the best Christmas gift ever. I was soo excited, and when I opened the present I saw a big camera cord to hookup together so we could skype….. I thought he was legit kidding, nope.”
“An old friend (previous pastor) told me he got a Rubik’s cube one year as a gift. Not bad…except that he’s colorblind.”
“A pair of ear-rings that had been previously worn – they weren’t on a card or in a box but were wrapped in toilet roll!”
“At the fourth-grade Christmas grab bag in Mr. Winnie’s class, I unluckily picked the very last number and had to watch, painfully, as my classmates went up one by one and selected one awesome toy after another.
I’m talking the hottest G.I. Joe figures and Micro Machines!
When it was finally my turn, all that was left was this little red plastic Barrel of Monkeys game, which at the time seemed equivalent to a box of pencils.
The worst was having to fake-play the game by myself afterward — didn’t want to offend my mystery gift-giver — while my buddies zoomed around the room with their cool toys.”
“A box of chocolate-covered pretzels..so OLD they had ‘mealy worms’ in them, (and even THEY were DEAD)”
As the holiday inches closer, I will continue to look for the comic relief so on the “ACTUAL DAY” I don’t lay out in the back yard amid reindeer poo yelling “WHY Santa, I always left you fresh squeezed OJ not sour milk like the other kids”.
It’s all good, at least I have a date for New Years!!!
Funny stuff
Laughter is free and saves many a blue moment from arriving
Love it. Can’t tell you how many times I have to redo mascara after a cry in the car induced by some damn sentimental song. And I will probably always do stockings for my kids even when they are 50 if I can.
See, I told you we had alot in common, crying over sappy carols, and still making stockings. Yes, My kids will be retired and this old Mom will have a filled stocking at her retirement home room ready for them
and they’ll be full of mealy chocolate pretzels
haha.. I know right.. too funny what some people call a “gift”..
Aww… I will be right there, with you in spirit, Lynne.
By the way, you have more decorations adorning your home than I do. That should tell you everything you need to know about my current Christmas state of mind.
Lisa.. trust me I’m trying fake it so I can make it .. The laughter is momentary.. I was in you shoes Christmas 4 yrs ago.. We will get through this because I already told the Universe.. You need anybody that day, you have my contact info..
I love what you wrote here
as well as the post!
My kids and their partners range in age from 21 to 32 and I got them all christmas tree decorations with their names on it this year!!
I think it is great you still make the kids stocking as adults! My mom does the same thing! And feel free to reach out to me on Christmas!!
See, I’m not pathetic just a sentimental Mom.. I absolutely will reach out to you. We can share some laughs or videos!!
Yes, please do!! I’ll be home all day, so lots of time for laughs!
You and I both!!! I’m not fond of holidays anyways. I just loce the off-days. I’m sad and alone this Christmas. Friends offered me to come to their house, but er? I don’t want to interrupt special family dinner. I’m all good. I can always accpet and amuse myself with better things.
I can understand the not wanting to intrude on their meal. I’m the same way. Yes, I shall breeze through this day, do some much neglected writing and be wishing my friends & family are having a great day
LOL! The only holiday song I can tolerate is “Sleigh Ride” because it is at least jaunty!
Yes, jaunty I can handle. Long, maudlin and boring I can not. today’s song is Jingle Bells!!
Chocolate covered pretzels with mealy worms — talk about adding insult to injury.
Can you imagine getting that nonsense as a gift? I would have threw up..
Once, we received a gift from a couple whom we didn’t know well, but we were at their stepmother’s house for Christmas, so we thought they must have felt obligated to give us something. When we opened the gift, in front of everyone, it was a box full of ancient, smashed up airline cookies, the kind you get for free. The couple were so proud of this little treasure that we had to pretend how happy were to receive it.
We thought maybe they were desperate to find a gift to give to us and had to improvise on the spot, but we found out later that this was pretty well the sort of gift they gave to most people. I’m just glad they didn’t pocket the chicken dinners as well.
As for you, Lynne. Thanks for the humor and here’s a great big eHug in return. You deserve it.
Well how is that for creativity. That’s like pulling an old t-shirt out of the dresser, wrapping it up like it’s a gift from The Gap. I have received some odd presents in my life but never airline (crushed at that) cookies..
Ah GC, we gotta laugh through the down turns so that smile carries us through the upturns. Thanks for the ehug, received and most appreciated!!
Too funny, and kinda gross, too! Are you really still going to be solo?
I get amazed at what some people call “gifts” and Yes mam, flying solo!
Hey, don’t feel bad about the stockings thing. My mother, Lynne, has all of our stockings up too. I can’t wait to unwrap that hot-wheels and eat that orange from out of there.
Your Mom does the orange too? Me too!! How funny.. I don’t ever see me giving up that tradition, my kids would be crushed (like you..lol)
Yep. For a few years my brother and me would get Marlboro’s and lighters…but we’ve gone an ruined that for her last year.:)
Even the mealy worms were dead. That one is totally the best. Can’t wait to hear about this New Year’s date once it’s over. I do hope you’ll tell. (I’ve been married for nine years. You’ve gotta give me something.
)
Now New years I am excited.. first “real date” in a very (I mean verrrrry) long time. I will keep you updated and might even post a pic or two
Ooooh! Can hardly wait. I hope it goes well, and if not, I hope it fails in epic proportion so it will at least make for a good story. No mediocre dates, please.
I shall keep you informed either way..;-)
I volunteered to be the on-call person for Christmas Day.
Yeah for volunteers..I’m working from home that day or else I would have volunteered somewhere too!! Have a great day too!!
I am laughing at the stockings…hahaha. We both know know if you didn’t do them suddenly the kids would be all “where’s my stocking?”
If there were no stockings my kids would strike on Christmas day.. They head for them before the gifts and all I ever put in them is Dollar Store stuff..
My kids are the same way…hahaha
Hey, there is Blog our there called C4C that is doing something for Bloggers who will be along for Christmas. It keeps popping up from fellow bloggers…check it to it might be something you’re interested in http://companyforchristmas.wordpress.com
Thanks so much and yes I saw that too and already am following.. All us lonely bloggers will be here keeping each other entertained with posts and such (oi vey)
My mom still does stockings for all five of her grown-ass children. Also we still get presents from Santa Claus. I love your lemon jar! Oh! And I have a funny story for you: my sister had to throw out her Christmas tree. A spider had like a million billion babies in it and they were all over her living room.
So glad to know I am not the only Mommy around.. Good Lord, I would have had a heart attack with spiders in my Christmas tree.. Hence I have a fake one and spray it up with fake evergreen spray
I just heard on the news that an average tree has 25,000 bugs in it, and that’s where spiders hibernate, so now I don’t think I can ever have a real tree again, that’s just too icky. I couldn’t sleep knowing those little guys could hatch and take over!!! Love the lemon jar, did I comment already? I can’t remember!
You have a date for New Year??? Yeah!!!! I am the laziest sloth on that day – in 23 years with my hubbie I don’t think we’ve once spent New Year’s Eve out dancing or dating – pathetic.
As to Christmas – I’m going to light a candle for you, Lynne, and raise a toast to remember those who are alone this holiday. I have a wonderful white candle – vanilla scented – that I’ll keep lit all day.
Wish you lived closer, damnit, ’cause there’s no way I’d let you stay home.
I usually work on New Years and my ex husband and I never went out so yes, this year I am going to meet a friend (casual date) at the Hard Rock cafe here in town. I get to dress up all girly like. Very excited.
I’ll be thinking of you too and your kindness that you share with myself and so many others. Thank you and wishing you and your family a beautiful holidays!!
Yeah for Lynne! I hope you have a great time! Have a dance for me, will ya?
I bought along white candle yesterday – gonna keep it lit on Christmas in honor of all my cyber-buddies – including you!
Lynne … thinking of you and sending you huge hug from all the way from the middle-Earth! Now, you need to know that hugs from the middle-Earth are magic … they wrap around you and keep you company for a long time!
Daniela
Hi Daniela.. I shall be thinking of you as well in that quaint new place you call “home” have a most wonderful holiday and hugs are being returned to you from my place in the world!!
Merry Christmas!
Lynne
After working retail for so long, I just can’t stand Christmas music. The worst is Jingle Bell Rock… I cashiered at Bartell’s when I was 17 and we had these dancing Santa’s… OMG! They drove me crazy! The manager’s insisted that they be on, dancing and singing Jingle Bell Rock 24/7 (well not really, we weren’t open 24 hours, but you get the idea). Of course, my register was always the one right by the Santa’s. Haha!
Oh poor you.. I have always felt so sorry for retail workers as the music and dancing Santa’s starts from early November until Christmas Eve. By then you all must be ready to shoot your eardrums out from all that repetitive, sappy Christmas music.. I extend a belated thanks as a consumer ..lol
Thoughts are with you for Xmas Lynne.
Merry Christmas to you too Curt.. Hope that fabulous cruise is wonderful!!
It was Lynne. In Tennessee now with our daughter and family for Christmas and New Years.